UNDERSTANDING THE NON CLUB CLUB F.I.O.R.E
WHAT WE ARE…. AND WHAT WE ARE NOT.
The NON CLUB CLUB F.I.O.R.E. is a NON CLUB CLUB which holds NON MEETINGS for NON MEMBERS for no other reason than to gather a bunch of friends once a month for a good time and to have something to eat in a semi quasi disorganized chaotic atmosphere with no pressure of any kind with the sole purpose of doing just that. It is mostly a guy’s thing, but ladies are now welcome to all our meetings and events. (Special note: All widows of past presidents are always welcome as our guests)
Occasionally we will hold a special event which welcomes ladies. (Occasionallybeing the operative word)
The word FIORE in Italian means FLOWER …. So what? We couldn’t care less…We use the word FIORE
as an acronym for: Fun Italians Organizing Ridiculous Events.
To be a member of this suspicious organization you must have an extremely good attitude and very low expectations.
Every member becomes President the moment he joins.
We have No purpose, No rules and No regulations.
We have No Board of Directors, No advisors, No nothing.
We are Not a charity. We are Not a political organization.
We do not discuss politics, religion, nor sex…openly at our non-events.
We do not have any blood letting ceremonies, or such.
We have No agenda other than that which we, as a non group group, decide upon at any given time.
It is a real fun and totally irreverent Non Club Club which caters solely and exclusively to Italians and Non Italians. This rule is strictly enforced. Call us racists if you want to, we don’t care. We are adamant and intransigent about this rule. You MUST BE Italian or NON Italian, period. That is that, like it or not. No exceptions. Capisce?
More importantly, if you are an uptight individual or just anal retentive, the NON CLUB CLUB F.I.O.R.E. is definitely not for you. Go somewhere else. There is a lot of good serious clubs in our city for you to join.
We do not have an open membership. It is not open to the public. ….even though the Tribune runs an ad for the FIORE…It is just a teaser to the general public…To join us you must be invited by a member in good standing…or be somewhat connected… It is required that all new applicants have, at least, the signature of 2 sponsors (or know the pass word and tokens) who are already “made presidents” of this non organized leaderless group.
Condition Si ne qua non.
To join this highly exclusive, very selective and dubious organization the fees are as follows:
An initial fee is $ 1.00 and automatically makes you a president, a First Lady (if you are married to a president) and Unattached Ladies (title being discussed). No one escapes this fee.
There is an annual due of $ 25.00 Presidents, $ 10.00 for First Ladies and $15.00 for Unattached ladies. (This fee will be pro-rated according to the month in which you join, but never less than $10.00 for Presidents and $5.00 for all ladies). Our fiscal year ends on December 31st
If you wish you may acquire our F.I.O.R.E. Name Badges. They look good but they are optional. (Now only $15.00)
Widows of former Presidents are always our guests….even the I.D. badge is on us.
Your first lunch as a member could cost you $51.00 (depending on which month of the year you join – it could also be less) , and all subsequent luncheons only $25.00 if you eat or $29.95 if you don’t.
If, however, you are 75 years old, or older, you are exempt from the annual fee. You are only required to pay the $1.00 to join and expected to pay for your own lunch and that of your guests. (No one will stop you, if you are a classy guy and,insist on contributing towards the annual dues. Far be it from us to stop you from such pleasurable satisfaction).
We require you RSVP, ASAP, when you are attending any of our luncheons and/or events so we can inform the venue of the number of meals to prepare for said event. (Should you have trouble understanding the concept of RSVP we will gladly explain it to you)
REASONS FOR DISMISSAL:
Ungentlemanly behavior OR eating pizza with a knife and fork, will cause you to be immediately expelled from our midst. (We like the word MIDST. We also like the word WHILST but we seldom have a chance to use it in one of our
Edicts or regular announcements.)
Please, read this letter carefully and familiarize yourself with its contents. (There may be a test)
If you feel you do not agree with any part of this letter, there is a very strong possibility that you would not feel comfortable and would not want be among us – The F.I.O.R.E. is nothing but a group of friends who get along – chances are, we would also prefer you would not be among us either. Life is too short to dance with ugly people. Plain and simple…and a little harsh.
We felt this explanation is necessary. We plan ahead trying to avoid any future testicular detonation on all parties concerned.
Finally, should you already have joined us and feel disenchanted with our group and wish to demit, please contact Conrad and he will gladly return the unused portion of your paid dues.
The Non Board Board of Non Directors Directors